Finding Peace

Wow. What an amazing weekend I had.

As you're probably well aware by now, this past weekend I went on retreat with a group of people from Rowan's Catholic Campus Ministries. I'm going to split the story into two posts for this week--one for a personal reflection, and the other for pictures.

We stayed at the St. Mary of Providence Center in Elverson, PA, grounds that are cared for by the Daughters of St. Mary of Providence, a community of nuns. I can say with confidence that I've never seen a place quite so beautiful (or to be frank, so huge). As soon as we walked in, I looked up at the ceiling, and literally felt breathless. My friends weren't kidding when they said I would be amazed! The best part is that it's only about an hour and a half from Rowan.

The first thing we did on Friday night was set a basket in the middle of the conference room floor. We were instructed to write down any private prayers or goals we had for the weekend, and as a song played, each of us put our papers in when we felt ready. These were burned at the conclusion of the retreat, which I thought was freeing--a physical sign of what God had already done.

There were discussions and Bible studies throughout the weekend which focused particularly on how our faith affects our experience as college students. While the discussions were mostly open-ended, I noticed that they continued to drift back to distractions, and how often our busy lives and relationships can impede us from growing in our relationship with God. It was agreed by the whole group that the weekend would be used to rekindle that relationship, to find that silent place inside ourselves to "be still, and know that [He is] God" (Psalm 46:10).

Perhaps one of the most personally powerful experiences for me was our quiet hour, where we were free to do as we pleased, providing it was spiritual and we spent most of the time on our own. It hadn't started to rain yet, so I headed outside to walk to grounds. I was amazed at how much you miss in the busyness and noise of city life. I became fixated on the rhythm of my stride for some reason, and as I walked, a line from Scripture came to me: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; on your own intelligence rely not. In all your ways be mindful of him, and he will make straight your paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6).

I've just recently come out of a wonderful three year relationship, and while we remain best friends, I'm now left wondering what the future holds. This weekend, I remembered that God is the sort who loves us and will never lead us wrong. During a private conversation with our chaplain, he used a simple card trick to show me how, regardless of what decisions I make that take me down the wrong path, God will always give me the tools I need to get back on track.

It can be difficult to forget the past. It can be even more difficult to forgive, especially when we need to forgive ourselves. But if we can let go and realize that God has already forgiven and forgotten our pasts, we can move forward. By the time we left St. Mary's on Sunday, the healing was finally beginning, and not just for me. I'm now closer to my CCM family than I ever was, and am starting to regain my peace. It was a long time coming, and I'm definitely grateful.